tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11816020.post8597657877116674223..comments2023-10-10T12:13:36.905-04:00Comments on Garden Variety Neurosis: Further thoughts on forgivenessJaden's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12742587692480382432noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11816020.post-9662561532360551962007-06-06T16:11:00.000-04:002007-06-06T16:11:00.000-04:00Darren, my verbiage was misleading. What I was tr...Darren, my verbiage was misleading. What I was trying to get at is that there really is nothing to forgive in any of those things. The errors were mine, as I was placing expectations on him that he could not possibly fulfill. Of course I can't realisitcally...or morally or ethically...expect a man to mold himself into who I want him to be, in order to fulfill expectations I've put on him that should never have been put there to begin with. I was actually writing the forgiveness aspect of it rather tongue in cheek. <BR/><BR/>You make very good points, all of which God has been working into my soul over the last week or so. <BR/><BR/>For the record, though, I have issued such apologies where I felt they were necessary.Jaden's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12742587692480382432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11816020.post-33142571174243866562007-06-06T13:30:00.000-04:002007-06-06T13:30:00.000-04:00You speak truth. While I was reading, I was formul...You speak truth. While I was reading, I was formulating other questions in my mind to correspond with those things you said people often feel a need to "forgive":<BR/><BR/><B>"I forgive you for not being the man/woman I expected you to be when I agreed to have this relationship with you."</B><BR/><I>"I'm sorry I had false expectations of you"</I><BR/><BR/><B>"I forgive you for not being molded into all I hoped you would become as time progressed."</B><BR/><I>"I'm sorry for trying to mold you"</I><BR/><BR/><B>"I forgive you for feeding my infatuation when we first met, allowing me to build you into an ideal, only to have the reality of your true self come in and dash my expectations of you to pieces.</B><BR/><I>"I'm sorry my infatuation blinded me to who you really are."</I><BR/><BR/><B>"I forgive you for trying to sweep me off my feet by acting as my prince/damsel, only for me to find out later that you're just an average person with hang-ups, just like me."</B><BR/><I>"I'm sorry I allowed myself to be swept off my feet as if you were a prince that had come to rescue me."</I><BR/><BR/><B>"I forgive you for not having hang-ups I can deal with."</B><BR/><I>I'm sorry I'm not able to deal with your hang-ups."</I><BR/><BR/>Whenever I'm in a tough situation like this, I try to figure out what I did wrong. That's a good thing. While realizing the other person, or people, also did wrong (maybe more), I know I can't learn lessons for them. I can only learn them for myself.DChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12287312864943887802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11816020.post-48928113583775265512007-06-06T07:00:00.000-04:002007-06-06T07:00:00.000-04:00Very, very solid thoughts, Stephanie. You could te...Very, very solid thoughts, Stephanie. You could teach a relationship class with this post.<BR/><BR/>On forgiveness - so true. As we peel back the layers of events in our search for meaning in the whole thing, we find our own role in our pain. <BR/><BR/>I've had two big heartbreaks in my life. After working through betrayal and denial and anger, it comes down to this: Their coping mechanisms were killing me, and I stayed longer than I should have.Pathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11044580896933265651noreply@blogger.com