Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Not all who wander are lost

It is a bit earlier in the evening than when I ordinarily post, but I need to take a moment to just "be", and this is often my place of just being.

I have been thinking a lot today about the changes fast approaching. I looked at my calendar, and I've got about 16 weeks until my stated goal of August 1st for the dramatic life changes I am talking about. That really isn't a lot of time. Not really, in the whole scheme of things.

I have been feeling just a bit anxious today, wondering...what if it doesn't all come together? Then I remembered that all of this was not really my idea. I believe with every fiber of my being that the changes I am planning for my life are in fact God's plan, and there is no way this cannot come together. It just may not come together in the way I envision it.

I have been struggling with my job for several months, and I believe I got all the clarity I needed last week to be certain that leaving my job is absolutely the right thing to do. I also believe God is showing me other reasons why He is directing me to make this move.

Last night, I attended an Oasis meeting, which I had been asked to be a part of. It was regarding establishing leadership, direction, and purpose for Oasis. For some time, I have wanted to become more involved in Oasis, as God had placed it on my heart to stop being a sponge and start being a vessel. Stop soaking up the benefits of the ministry, and start being poured out for the ministry. In order to do that to the capacity to which I feel burdened, I need to be closer to the church and the activity thereof. I believe that being asked to participate in the meeting and the facilitation of this group was one more confirmation that God is leading me out of this place in my life into something new.

So, everything I need is in place, except for everything that I need. I have no idea how the details are going to work out, but God knows I need a place to live and income, and I know He will provide. I actually think His provision in this is going to come from some very unexpected places. We'll see what He has in store.

So I need to be still. I need to stand on what I know to be true, giving no regard to the voices of anxiety and uncertainty that have been playing in my head today. God is bigger than all of this. He is bigger than the job I will be leaving, with its health benefits and longevity checks and good pay...His purposes go beyond financial benefits. He has a plan, and it's a good one, and I just need to wait and see what He will do.

My sister asked me today if I am going to start getting boxes for packing. Initially, I thought it seemed a bit hasty, and then realized that I will have to pack things up little by little, and it might not be such a bad idea to just start getting boxes. An act of faith...a positive declaration that I believe God is going to do big things here, and provide me with all I will need to move forward in my life. Something tangible that says without question that I believe God is leading me, even if I'm not entirely sure yet of where we are going.

It is scary to think of leaving behind the comforting and familiar, even if you know it is time to do just that. I still have awhile before I have to do any leaving behind, but it is fast approaching.

As I write this, and look at the title of my post, I realize that I have felt for years like I've been wandering, yet certain to some degree that my life had a purpose. I think that part of what is happening in this season of my life is that my days of wandering are coming to an end, and God is giving me a clear destination.

I have learned many things in my years of wandering. Things I otherwise may not have learned, had I been so certain of my path. Look at all we learned from the Israelites in their 40 years without a road map, and all they learned in establishing a foundation for faith that has carried on long after their time on this earth was up. There is no doubt about it...God has purpose even in our wandering. Sometimes we are never more found than when we are hopelessly lost.

(On a lighter note, I just realized my pants say "Lucky You" across my ample bedonkey...lol. I think there may be some truth in that. I also wonder how many people read my butt while I was out walking today. I would like to get a pair of pants that says "What are you looking at?" )

Evangelism pants! You'll attract quite a following with the right bum-per sticker!
A couple of thoughts:
You will always be a sponge; that's a good thing. It sounds like you are now moving into becoming a sponge that will be squeezed.
Faith. I think it's not just about following God to the new thing; it's following God to what we think will be the new "me." That's what I find scary. But, we're in good company when we consider Noah, Abram, Paul, Peter... I wonder what went through Jesus' mind as he followed John into the Jordan to His baptism.
Sovereignty. Jesus is always loving us, leading us, even when we're lost, and is more excited about who we're becoming than where we're going. Who could ask for a better God?
You are accepted in the beloved.
I loved this post!
Have a great day,

I like that perspective...A sponge that will be squeezed. Much less self-condemning. :)

You've given me some good things to think about today. Thanks!

Hope you're having a wonderful day!

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