Garden Variety Neurosis

It has been a difficult weekend. It is too late and I am too tired to go into all that contributed to the difficulty, but I will say that it seems that when I need people, they are completely unavailable to me.

I feel like a fool sometimes. I give and give and give to people, but when I need something...just a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to...nobody is there. Phone calls go unanswered or unreturned, and I am far enough removed from everyone that matters to me that phone calls are pretty much all I've got.

In times like this, I wonder why I allow myself to feel the vulnerability that I feel. I have to say that I sometimes remember with longing the days when I felt utterly detached from everyone and everything, and lived life like nothing mattered...because it didn't.

I know, this is all sleepiness and sadness talking. Still, these thoughts have been with me through much of this weekend. I keep giving...why? I keep investing...why?

More tomorrow. Or, later today rather. I am determined to feel less hopeless by then, because if I don't...I'm in trouble.

One of my niece's favorite movies is Snow White. It is her movie of choice for watching just before bedtime, and I have to say there is nothing better than snuggling up with her to watch the movie, and having her fall asleep in my arms. She is an angel!

However, I am concerned about the messages this movie is sending her. From start to finish, this movie is chock full of all sorts of...questionable...behaviors and situations.

Let me name a few:

1. Conspiracy to commit murder

The Queen contrives with her huntsman to kill Snow White, and asks him to bring her Snow White's heart in a trinket box.

2. Breaking and Entering

Snow White is instructed by the huntsman to run away and never return. In doing so, she comes upon the seven dwarf's cabin, and forcibly enters the premises.

3. Home invasion

The dwarfs are too terrified of her to tell her to leave. The difference between a burglary and a home invasion is the use of terrorization.

4. Assault and Battery

Dopey is repeatedly smacked at various points in the movie.

5. Attempted murder

The poisoned apple...we all know the story.

6. Wrongful Death

Near the end of the movie, the Queen/Witch plummets to her death after falling off the edge of a cliff, to which she was chased after being pursued by the dwarfs. In today's world, the seven dwarfs would be facing seven lawsuits by the witch's estate.

My niece demonstrates no ill behaviors as a result of watching this film. I can tell you in truth that my niece is one of the best behaved children I know. However, it concerns me that all of these things fall under the guise of "children's entertainment". If my niece grows up bullying developmentally disabled kids, I'll know who to blame...And I will come after you, Snow White. I will come after you!

 

I can't think of anything nearly clever to use as a title for this post, so you will just have to read on without the advantage of foreshadowing.

I cannot remember what I wrote about when I last posted a week or so ago. I wish I could say that amazing things have happened since then, but life has been fairly quiet. And yet not.

Business has not been going well. I knew from the outset that generating business was going to be a challenge, but I had not idea just how many obstacles I would be running into. The fact that I have not yet been properly field trained does not help matters, and I've had accounts slipping through my fingers left and right.

I have an appointment with the owner of a fairly large business next Tuesday. A veteran agent has agreed to come with me to that appointment to show me how he does his presentation, for which I am very grateful. He is a great closer, and I'm hoping we can walk out of that appointment on Tuesday with an account in place.

There are a few other things in the Aflac hopper as well, and I am totally relying on God's favor to secure these accounts for me. Many of the people I talk to have seen Aflac before, and for whatever reason, have not been interested in it. I am asking God for favor with these business owners.

I am doing my best to remain hopeful that this Aflac endeavor will eventually pay off. However, I have concluded that if I do not begin seeing some positive activity very soon, I am going to have to look into other means of bringing home a paycheck. As much as I dread it, it could mean going back to the 9-5 routine, with someone else determining my hours and income. However, as much as I dislike that idea, I do like the idea of an income I can count on.

We'll see how next week goes. That is going to determine a lot.

I am meeting with a girl from the Petoskey group next Monday, to discuss moving in as her roommate. This meeting was supposed to take place last Monday, but due to a series of events, it did not happen. I am somewhat glad for that, though, because this past week has allowed me to learn more about her and her family, and my mind is much more at ease with the idea now.

I am making a point of not worrying about the financial element of the move to Petoskey. God knows, down to the penny, exactly what I will need every day to be able to live there, and He has it under control. I have to remind myself of this constantly, as I taste one disappointment after another with my business. In His time, this business will prosper if it is meant to. If not, it can only mean He has something better for me. He has not abandoned me thus far, and He will not leave me now.

The last seven months have been a journey of faith, and I have no reason to believe that this is going to change now. Clearly, there are still things I need to learn on this journey, and God has greater heights He is taking me too. Lead on, Jesus.

So, last night, I went to the Bible study in Petoskey. I expected it to be a good experience, but I had no idea what God had in store.

I was a little nervous about going. After all, I knew that there were going to be a lot of people there that I did not know, and that can make for a rather uncomfortable situation. However, when I arrived, my fears melted away as soon as I walked in the door. I was greeting very warmly by the hostess, and she quickly introduced me to everyone else. My pastor was leading the study that night, so he was there, as well as the pastor for the new church. It didn't take me long at all to feel like I had come home, and these people were my family.

Pastor Dave introduced me again when the Bible study started, and shared with the group that I am an Aflac agent, planning ot move to Petoskey and become involved in the church. Before the night was over, I had several people telling me that they would pray for business opportunities for me, as well as housing and other things I will need to be able to make the move.

As we all mingled after the time of study and prayer, one of the women in the group told me that she owned a house in town, and would welcome a roommate. This came very unexpectedly, but it was an offer I gladly received. I am meeting with her on Monday to discuss things in more detail.

I have made the commitment to serve as part of the core group for the church plant, and I'm meeting with the Petoskey pastor next Wednesday to discuss more specifically where I can serve.

As far as business goes, things are picking up. I am getting more leads and referrals, and I am confident that my business is going to boom when I am able to make that move to Petoskey...which looks like it might be sooner than I anticipated.

God asks so little of us, and He gives us so much in return. I took a small step of faith in going to that Bible study, making myself available for His service, and in return I have been given so much, not the least of which is being part of something that is going to touch people's lives for Christ and further the kingdom of God. It is such a privilege to part of God's plan in this way. And all He asks of us is that we live like we mean it.