Garden Variety Neurosis

I am not able to post nearly as much as I'd like to, but having no computer of my own right now, this is the best I can do.

I am still working at the cherry processing plant. I actually really enjoy my job there. The long hours can be difficult, but it's not so bad outside of that. I am actually going to miss it when it is over. I really enjoy having a job that I don't have to think about. I also really enjoy the people I work with.

I work with a lot of migrant workers, which has been very interesting. I've had to confront a lot of my own prejudices, and deal with them accordingly. I was shocked to realize such prejudices even existed within me, but I am glad for these realizations. I think I've become a better person because of the people I work with.

One of these people has caught my eye, and I seem to have captured his interest as well. It is funny, really, because he only speaks Spanish, of which I know very little. I primarily speak English, of which he knows none. So, when we attempt to have a conversation, it usually ends with us laughing at our own misunderstandings, and going our separate ways. I suppose this is like a summer fling, but a summer fling that never was. haha Still, it is fun, in a very good way.

I do not have any work lined up for when this is over, which is in about a week. I am going to ask the plant manager if I can stay on a bit longer, at least until I find something else. I do not know why it is, but I cannot seem to find employment. I have heard nothing from the private golf club I interviewed with three weeks ago. I know they are still conducting interviews, but my gut feeling is that I will not be hired there. Gut feelings are usually never wrong. So, my search for employment continues.

Overall, I am handling things well, though I am feeling the pressure of bills that are endlessly piling up. I am barely able to put gas in the car after the bills are paid, and that is difficult. I am getting by, but barely.

I think the hardest part is seeing that the people who were responsible for what happened at my last job are still continuing to prosper. They committed immoral and illegal actions, and yet they still have their jobs, and I am left to barely make ends meet. I look at this, and think...God, what are you doing?? Where is the blessing in following Your way??

And yet, I have to trust Him. Rather than despair...though I've had my moments...I am choosing to trust that He has a plan in all of this. He is a just God, even if I do not see the fruits of His justice right now. He keeps His promises, even if I do not see the fruit of those promises just yet. I am in the valley right now, but I am not alone.

I feel as though He has me in a crucible, and He is skimming from me everything that is not of Him. He is purging from me every impurity that keeps Him from seeing His reflection in my life. It is easy to praise Him and serve Him when things are going well...but what about now, when things are gradually worsening by the day? I am realizing that this is what faith is. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. "Though You slay me, I will trust You."

Thank You, Jesus, for Your severe mercies.

So, I'm almost finished with my first full week at this job, and I have to say, it's been a rough week. This job is a lot more physically demanding than any job I've had in a long time, and my body is feeling every bit of it. However, I am growing accustomed to it. The long hours aren't so bad anymore, and I am getting used to the lifting and whatnot that is required for my job. All in all, things are going well.

I have to say, I have wondered why God put me there, of all places. There are so many other jobs out there, yet this one is the only one that seemed to work out in respect of my current situation.

Then, this morning, for some reason, one of the girls I work with shared a bit of her heart with me. She is dealing with a lot of things right now, and she said, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but...", and proceeded to share with me a lot of the pain she'd been carrying with her since she found out her husband had an affair a little over a month ago. We could only talk for a few minutes at the time throughout the day, but she seemed grateful to have someone to talk to. I invited her to join me at church, and she said she had been going to church regularly when she was in Texas, but had not found a church in this area to go to. I told her a little bit about the church I attend, and she said she wanted to visit as soon as she could work it into her schedule (cherry season is nuts...very busy).

As all of this happened, I thought...if this girl is the only reason God put me at this job, then it is worth it. The money is nice, but being able to impact a person's life beats that by a mile.

I've also been able to meet a lot of other people. I spent a bit of time this morning talking with another man from Texas, who is a migrant worker. He told me about his lifestyle...that he and his wife come up here for six months out of the year, and work enough so they don't have to work the other six months. He told me they make enough money working the harvests up here that they have enough money for rent and necessities for the rest of the year, and that is all they need. I envied his simple lifestyle.

He commented on how most people would view having such money...they make a lot of money, but they also spend a lot of money. He said that he and his wife didn't need to do that, all they need is to pay their rent and eat, and they are happy. I was amazed by the insight that simple comment contained...why do we always yearn for SO MUCH more than we need?

I am very much enjoying getting to know these people. I am glad to have them in my life, even if it is only for a few weeks.

Well, I started my new job at the cherry processing place yesterday. All in all, it's not bad. It turned out to be a long day, with still longer days to come, but it wasn't unbearable. My supervisors are very nice people, and I have a good group of people to work with. If my body can handle it, I will be working there for a month. It's good money in a short amount of time, and that's what I'm there for.

I am hoping that, when the month is over, I will have a good job in place. We'll see.

All things considered, things are going well, and I am seeing...GOD IS GOOD!

So, I haven't been able to post for a few days, as I have no computer of my own at this time. I truly hate that. But, I am happy to report that it appears to be a fairly inexpensive repair that is needed, so I will be able to fix it shortly after I begin work.

Work. Now there's a story.

I have two job interviews tomorrow. One with a farm market, and one with a private golf club. Could there be two more polar opposites? One industry powered by the steam of the lower working class, and one industry whose wheels are greased with the money of the upper crust. Hmm...

Anyway, about the farm market...A couple weeks ago, I went in and filled out an application at a local cherry processing place. They offer a ton of overtime during the harvest, and since I need the money, I figured, I could tolerate that for a few weeks, if I just stay focused on the money. The woman who took my application told me to take a couple days and think about which shift I would like to work, then give her a call back. I did, and when I called her back, I asked her if she possibly had any other work for me to do besides sorting cherries. She told me she had been looking for another position for me, and then told me that her daughter might have a job for me at her farm market. She told me she would talk to her daughter and see about it, and she thinks I would be a great asset to the store.

Keep in mind, all I did was fill out a very brief application, which did not even ask me what kind of work I'd done previously. It only asked for the names of my past employers...no job description. But, this woman was, for whatever reason, quite impressed with me, to the point that she was going out of her way to find me a better position.

So, she called her daughter, then called me back, and told me to set up an interview with her daughter. So, I did, and her daughter said she is very excited to meet me. So, we are meeting tomorrow.

I find the whole thing very odd, in the sense that I only went in to get a lowly job processing cherries, fully aware of how much those jobs really suck...really...and I never expected to be offered something better simply by going in and filling out my application. But, my sister thinks...and perhaps is correct...that God is showing me favor, and giving me something He knows I will enjoy.

We shall see what comes of this.

My other interview is with a gentleman from the church who is looking to hire a whole slew of people for very good paying jobs with full benefit packages, and he wants to give people from the church first crack at the jobs. This job does not start until mid-August, so if I am hired, I can still do the farm market job until then.

We shall see what comes of this, also.

I am eager to get back to work, because I have become extraordinarily lazy over the last few weeks. Getting back into real life is going to be a transition I'm not looking forward to. I've become accustomed to sleeping in, taking naps, going swimming, etc...as I please, and not having to punch a time card. BUT, I'm not getting paid to do any of that, so I guess I need to go back to work. lol

God has been good. I have had a time of refreshing, and through it all, He has seen to it that my most basic needs have been met. I've had enough money to get to and from church and job interviews, I've had a roof over my head, and food to eat. I've had the time to make peace with certain things about my last job, and to reassess my own goals and priorities in light of these events. I've had a month of being able to relax and enjoy things, spending time with my little niece that I just can't get enough of, and yet also coming to the realization of how very much I need to move out of my parent's home and start a life of my own. And all of these things are things I've been able to do with the luxury of time and the cool-headed perspective that luxury affords. No rush. No pressure. Just answers that have come quietly.

When I look over the last few weeks, it seems like this whole thing started out as a horrible storm, ripping my life apart as it came through with its fury. After the storm swept through, I was left standing in the middle of a life I hardly recognized anymore, and I had no idea what to do. I only knew that, in the middle of it, God was there, and He was bigger than what I was facing.

Now, as the rubble left by that storm has been picked up, and pieced together, my life doesn't look like something in shambles, being held together with wire and duct tape...No, when I look at it, it looks like something that was constructively deconstructed, and put back together to be something completely new and other than what it was. Put back together, not to be another version of what it used to be, but to be a life unlike what I've known before.

I don't think God is finished yet. I think He has plans that go beyond my just getting a job and an income. I am believing He is going to open the door for me to move, and that He already has a place chosen for me, and He is going to provide the necessary means for me to move into it. I feel as though something altogether new is being birthed in my life, and this is only the beginning of it.