Monday, May 02, 2005

Can't sleep

Here it is, going on 5 a.m., and I cannot sleep. I have not slept soundly all night, and finally surrendered to my insomnia and got out of bed. No use to perpetuating the charade.

I have been reading through other people's blogs, and feeling just a bit of envy as I do. There are some people on Blogspot who have very interesting lives. Far more interesting than mine. People living in interesting places, having interesting adventures, meeting interesting people. They have jobs worth writing about, hobbies that other people want to read about, and so forth.

And then, there's me. My life is not interesting. I have not done anything interesting in a very long time. My life is boring. I am boring.

Then again, if the people with the interesting lives still have time to maintain a blog, complete with pictures, music, etc...you do have to wonder how interesting their lives really can be. About as interesting as mine, I'd say. I live for blogging.

Minimizing other people's contributions always makes me feel better. If I can take just one spring out of their step, I have accomplished something.

Sadly, there are times when I really feel that way, and make very subtle but effective efforts to act on that feeling.

I find that I do this a lot with my coworker. She is working on her bachelors degree in human services, and on some level, this bothers me more than I can say. Perhaps because it demonstrates only more clearly that I haven't done squat with my life.

She and I do the same job, which does not require a degree. However, it has been her arrival on the scene that must be credited with much of the progress made with the consumers. I know this, and it drives me crazy. Because it drives me crazy, whenever she shares with me an idea she has or something she accomplished while I was not there, I completely minimize my reaction to her, lest she actually think she accomplished something worthwhile.

Is that not incredibly petty? What is it that keeps me from sharing in the joy of the moment? Jealousy and an inferiority complex would be my guess.

Darn Blogspot anyway. I was having a freaking wonderful night until I began reading about other people's lives. Now I realize that I am boring, jealous, and petty. Sheesh! I'm going back to bed.

Comments:
Some of the most interesting and remembered people were those whose adventures were internal. Think about it. Now, think about your life, and the deep things you've learned and are learning from the Lord.
It's evident from what I've read of you that you are not only NOT boring, but that you're a conduit for healing. Coupled with your talent at communication and language, you have a lot to offer the world. So, don't hold back. Share it.
 
Thank you, Pat. I needed to hear that.
 
You are NOT boring...
 
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