Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Putting my thoughts to bed
A lot happened with work over the weekend, and culminated today in the realization that things are not going to get better. If anything, they are getting progressively worse, and my job is on the line.
A phone call to the payroll office this morning told me that I will not be vested in the company until October 30. It was hard enough to anticipate waiting until mid-July to turn in my resignation, but waiting until the end of October is out of the question. For the sake of maintaining my sanity and my integrity, I knew I could not wait that long.
However, what was I to do? How long was I to wait until I turned in my resignation, knowing I could not hold out until October?
The answers came soon enough. Through a series of events, and many phone calls, it became evident that my time at my job was growing shorter, and it was not by my choice. I am now at a point of turning in my resignation before I actually get fired.
This is all coming about a lot sooner than I had anticipated. God is moving me on, but I have no idea to what.
Jobs where I live are few and far between, and I will need to move if I am to find suitable employment. In order to move, one needs money, and I do not have enough money to even consider moving. I was relying very heavily on being vested in July. I will not have enough money to move, short of a miracle. I have no idea where that money would come from. Yet, as I type this, the thought occurs to me that I am glad coming up with this money isn't my problem.
I have typed up a resignation letter, which I intend to give to my supervisor at the end of the day tomorrow. It is a very civil, rather nice letter, indicating nothing of the anger and contempt I feel right now. I am praying that God will enable me to walk out of their with some dignity.
God has a way of shutting doors that is very unexpected, even jarring. I have experienced this many times in my life, both because of my stubborn will to move forward even after God has said "no", and my knack for making incredibly poor decisions and moving too hastily. In all of my stubborn haste, I have seen it happen many times when God just slams a door right in my face, as if to say, "I already said no. Why did you keep going forward?"
And so I think it is with my job. I have known for a couple of weeks that my time at my job was coming to an end, because God was moving me onward. God knew it would be hard for me to leave, because of the timing of things, so He is making it a bit easier for me to go. He is shutting this door tight, and I cannot open it again.
But, just as I have seen many doors shut, I have also seen many doors opened. (By the way, I've always thought that saying "Whenever God shuts a door, He opens a window" was kinda stupid...Why would God give you a window if you need to walk through a door?) I have never seen a time in my life when God did not make provision. Certainly, I have experienced times of hardship as a consequence of my own actions, but even in that, He always gave me what I needed.
I need to recall those times. Remember what He has done for me in the past, and will do for me in the future. "Never have I seen the righteous forsaken..."
God has a plan.
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