Garden Variety Neurosis

I am not able to post nearly as much as I'd like to, but having no computer of my own right now, this is the best I can do.

I am still working at the cherry processing plant. I actually really enjoy my job there. The long hours can be difficult, but it's not so bad outside of that. I am actually going to miss it when it is over. I really enjoy having a job that I don't have to think about. I also really enjoy the people I work with.

I work with a lot of migrant workers, which has been very interesting. I've had to confront a lot of my own prejudices, and deal with them accordingly. I was shocked to realize such prejudices even existed within me, but I am glad for these realizations. I think I've become a better person because of the people I work with.

One of these people has caught my eye, and I seem to have captured his interest as well. It is funny, really, because he only speaks Spanish, of which I know very little. I primarily speak English, of which he knows none. So, when we attempt to have a conversation, it usually ends with us laughing at our own misunderstandings, and going our separate ways. I suppose this is like a summer fling, but a summer fling that never was. haha Still, it is fun, in a very good way.

I do not have any work lined up for when this is over, which is in about a week. I am going to ask the plant manager if I can stay on a bit longer, at least until I find something else. I do not know why it is, but I cannot seem to find employment. I have heard nothing from the private golf club I interviewed with three weeks ago. I know they are still conducting interviews, but my gut feeling is that I will not be hired there. Gut feelings are usually never wrong. So, my search for employment continues.

Overall, I am handling things well, though I am feeling the pressure of bills that are endlessly piling up. I am barely able to put gas in the car after the bills are paid, and that is difficult. I am getting by, but barely.

I think the hardest part is seeing that the people who were responsible for what happened at my last job are still continuing to prosper. They committed immoral and illegal actions, and yet they still have their jobs, and I am left to barely make ends meet. I look at this, and think...God, what are you doing?? Where is the blessing in following Your way??

And yet, I have to trust Him. Rather than despair...though I've had my moments...I am choosing to trust that He has a plan in all of this. He is a just God, even if I do not see the fruits of His justice right now. He keeps His promises, even if I do not see the fruit of those promises just yet. I am in the valley right now, but I am not alone.

I feel as though He has me in a crucible, and He is skimming from me everything that is not of Him. He is purging from me every impurity that keeps Him from seeing His reflection in my life. It is easy to praise Him and serve Him when things are going well...but what about now, when things are gradually worsening by the day? I am realizing that this is what faith is. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. "Though You slay me, I will trust You."

Thank You, Jesus, for Your severe mercies.