Garden Variety Neurosis

Things just seem to keep getting better.

I found another job today. It does not pay that well, but it does come with a very nice benefit package, and the potential for advancement if I do well. It is a telemarketing job, but it is selling something I would likely buy myself if I had the money, so I am praying that God will enable me to do well in this. The hours are ideal, in that I will not have to compromise my class schedule or my observance of the Sabbath in order to accomodate this job. In fact, earlier today, I was doing some follow-up investigating on another application I had turned in, and the woman I was speaking to asked me if it was true I could not work at all on Sundays. I told her that was true, and she told me that she did not have a position for me then. I figured, that was fine, it only meant there was something else out there for me. And, half an hour later, I was hired at this other job.

I realize there may be situations in which it is all but impossible to avoid working on Sundays...but I also think that God is calling Christians to start taking ourselves seriously, and if we do so, He will bless that. He has told us to observe the Sabbath as a day of rest from our work, and I think that, for me personally, it is something I need to do. It's just a choice I've made, and it seems that God is honoring that choice.

God has brought me so many good things these last few days.

A few days ago, seemingly all at once, I realized it was time to just let things go regarding my former employer. I had spent time typing up an appeal of my unemployment denial...an appeal several pages long, listing all the many reasons why I felt I had no choice but to leave. I was not sure if I should appeal it, but I was preparing the appeal anyway.

Then, in a moment, I just felt that God was telling me to leave it be, and move on. The cliche "What would Jesus do?" flashed into my mind, and I recalled that, in the moment of life or death, Jesus was silent before His accusers. A friend...who I will write about momentarily...reminded me that Jesus was not always silent before His accusers, and at times challenged His accusers to essentially "put up or shut up"...But in the moment when it mattered the most, He was silent, and I believe with all my being that is what God is having me do right now...be silent in the matter. Go no further with it, make no more arguments, send no letters, and make no phone calls. Just let it be.

In the world's estimation, this would seem a cowardly or weak act. Believe me, I did consider this. It makes no sense not to fight for what seems to be rightfully yours. Yet, as I talked with my friend about this and other things last night, he made a comment that seemed to put it all together for me..."Sometimes it's best to just leave the past in the past."

Certainly, as far as things that happened at that job are concerned, they are best left in the past. But it goes beyond that. So many things about that job were associated with the Stefanie that was before Jesus took over and began making things new. One of the primary qualifications for the job is that you have to be a consumer of mental health services to be considered for the position. Therefore, throughout the entire length of my employment, I was at any given moment running the risk of being lumped in with those still struggling with their mental health issues, and would never be seen as being more than a conqueror in Christ. No...so many things about that job had me chained and bound to the Stefanie that was so oppressed with the enemy's darkness that it nearly robbed her of her life. And it is for this reason more than any other, I believe, that God is challenging me to simply let it be. Not even, "Let it be and let me deal with those who harmed you"...but simply, let it be.

And I have to say, I have found such freedom. My life is moving forward, I am learning what truly matters, and God has given me a love and appreciation for things that I never would have realized had I not gone through this valley.

And I am finding restoration for my soul...gifts from God, reminding me that I am His, and He has not forgotten me.

Perhaps one of the greatest of those gifts has been the most unexpected of them all, and that is Mister (name changed to protect the innocent). He is the guy I went out with on my birthday, and we've spent some time together since.

He joined me for Oasis last night, and I was able to introduce him to my friends there. I felt a certain sense of pride in being able to say he was there with me, and a school-girl giddyness at the same time.

After Oasis, he and I went out for coffee (for me) and hot chocolate (for him), and we spent two hours talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. (And I could not help but notice how beautiful his eyes are, and how the light played on his dark skin, and that I love his smile... *sigh*). As we were leaving, I told him that I've really been enjoying spending time with him, and he told me that he'd been enjoying spending time with me, too. He said it's all been a very nice surprise.

I have to keep telling myself...I will not get too excited too soon!!!!!! (Herbie, with whom I've been on quite platonic terms for a month or so now, warned me to be careful of that.) But it's so hard to do!! I just love every minute I spend with him! I hardly slept last night, I just felt all happy and warm and wonderful inside.

(Relationship Definition: Friends...in case you were wondering)

I do think the very best gifts are the ones you never, ever saw coming.