Sunday, September 04, 2005


So, I've been watching a lot of the Katrina coverage, being glued to Fox News Channel as though, somehow, if I watched long enough, I could undo it all. But, it can't be undone, and these people have a long road ahead of them...A lot of healing to be done. Rebuilding...Or not...Will take years, and what of their lives between now and then?

I am overwhelmed with a feeling of total helplessness. So many people suffering, and I want so much to do something, but am utterly unable to do anything tangible to ease the burden a bit. I realize there is tremendous power in prayer, and yet sometimes, I find myself feeling that I want to do something "real". And yet...And yet...I know that we do not serve an idle God, and our prayers can propel unseen forces into action. So, I pray.

This disaster has caused me to step back and look at where my life is going. I've thought...And thought...And thought...About possibly pursuing something other than social work. Perhaps it is a case of once bitten, twice shy, but my experiences with CMH have really left me a bit jaded against the idea of social work. I want to go into a helping profession, but have considered for awhile that perhaps social work is not where I am supposed to be.

So, I've been talking to a couple of friends about their careers in nursing. This is something I hadn't seriously considered, but had thought about. I feel as though my life is at a place where I am going to end up taking a road I never imagined taking, as all familiar roads have lead me nowhere. Perhaps this is it. It remains to be seen, but I am keeping my eyes open for road signs.

I've spent much of the last week making peace with things that I cannot change....SERENITY NOW!

Post-Mister thoughtlife has been that of navigating through self-blaming, Mister-blaming and demonization, and simply accepting it at face value for what it is....somebody who just was not interested in me, however cruelly he may have expressed it.

I am starting yet another job next week, and trying ever so hard to have a good attitude about it. I am working at a plant that makes some sort of clothing, and I will be working in quality control. The job is half an hour away, and pays all of $6.50 an hour. The burden of necessity compels me to accept this job, though I am not sure the pay is worth what it will cost me in fuel. But, it is a paycheck, and better than nothing at all. I am still praying that God will open other doors.

I do not understand what He is doing. Not at all.

I've been feeling the same way. Hang in there.
I won't post the whole story here (my blog has it), but we have heard the word "no" a lot from God lately too. I will be praying for you. Maybe God will give us a "yes" together!!! Love ya!
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