Saturday, September 10, 2005

Since we last met...

I wish I could say that amazing thing have happened since I last posted, and my life is finally taking a turn for the better.

Well, okay, things are improving...

Before I get into the improvements, I should share something that absolutely broke my heart...

I have been struggling with allergies for awhile, and the culprit has been my sweet little kitty, ShaSha. I have tried several remedies for the situation, but all of them are either too expensive without health insurance, or they absolutely knock me out and I cannot function after using them. I have been looking for a good home for ShaSha for several months now, and she was finally adopted by a new family on Labor Day.

I knew it was the right thing to do, both for my own health, and so ShaSha could be with a family that could care for her the way she needs to be cared for. (I couldn't hold her for too long, brush her, or pet her very much. And she's a little cuddler, and cuddling was all but completely out of the question...). They came and met her about a week before taking her, then came back on Labor Day to "finalize the adoption". Amidst heartwrenching "cries" from my poor little kitty, she was sent home with her new family, and I am now attempting to adjust to life without her.

Physically, I am feeling much better, but emotionally, it has been trying. I still find myself listening for her meows when I come home, or waiting for her to be milling around my feet while I am making dinner. When I go to bed, I still wait expectantly to feel her jump into bed with me, only to remember that she is not there. I know I did the right thing in finding a new home for her, but this adjustment time is much harder than I thought it would be. The place just feels empty without her here.

It is truly amazing, the impact a little ten pound animal can have on one's life, and the emptiness you feel when they are gone.

I called today to see how she was adjusting, and was told she is doing fairly well, though as you might expect, she is not altogether thrilled with the change of scenery. I pray for her, that God would communicate to her in her own language that she is safe, that she is going to be okay, and that she is loved. God communicated with the animals back in Noah's day, and they all ended up on a cruise. I'm sure God can communicate with ShaSha now, and she will bond with her new family as she did with me.

In other news, my new job is not terrible, but I am thankful that I will not be there for very long. It is an easy job, as far as what I actually have to do is concerned, but it is very difficult in that it is taking quite a toll on my back. After being hunched over a sewing machine for ten hours, my back feels like it is one big knot of muscle. I have been assured that this gets better after a couple of weeks, but truth be told, I am glad I will not be there long enough to find out.

After an entire summer of seeking employment there, the local resort has finally called me and offered me a job. I will be working in either reservations...which I really want...or housekeeping, which would be acceptable. This job is less than ten minutes from my house, so it will save me a fortune in fuel, not to mention the trouble of traveling on treacherous winter roads.

It is funny, the changes in mindset that occur over time. Four months ago, if you had asked me if I would ever want to work at this place, I would have told you quite plainly that I had no intention of ever working there. However, at this point, a job there would be an absolute blessing.

I think I have had the tendency over the last few months to want everything just right, right now, and I put too much pressure on myself. For example, with the CNA training I want to take...I want it done RIGHT NOW, but the better solution is probably to work at the resort through the winter, since it is nearby, and plan on taking the CNA training when it is offered in the spring. If I work locally through the winter, I could conceivably move by March of next year, since I will have money not only from employment, but from taxes and student loan leftovers. This is a more realistic solution than trying to make everything happen, all at once, right now.

It's okay to take my time.

My classes are going well. I am rather amused at the differences I see between myself and other students, who I am guessing are quite a bit younger than me. I am taking courses over the internet, so I can't be sure, but the tone and the approach of the other students seems...well...juvenile. I am not criticizing in the least, only observing, and thinking that I am glad I waited to start classes. It is just different, when you are older and there because you want to be, not because you are expected to be or you feel like you have to be.

All in all, things are okay. Slowly getting better.

Yes, I know you're not criticizing. It's different when you are going because it's your choice.

I'm so sorry about your kitty.
I am getting used to not having her here. I can actually sleep at night, instead of sniffling, sneezing and itching, which is a wonderous thing. I miss her little face and her sweet personality, but I know it was the best thing for both of us.
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