Garden Variety Neurosis

Well, the whole partnering up with another agent thing did not go as I'd hoped it would. I am glad I did it, in that it was a valuable learning experience. But, it has nearly cost me my first sale, and I don't think I'll be doing it again any time soon.

I did manage to close the sale successfully nonetheless, but we'll see how long the individual keeps their policy.

Without going into a lot of detail, I will simply say that the agent was not as helpful as I thought they would be, and I will continue to either work on my own, or find a more seasoned agent to work with up in the Petoskey area.

Still, I feel this is all moving in a very positive direction. One disgruntled client aside, I am still making very good contacts in the community, I have confidence I will be writing more business very soon, and I know I will be successful if I just stay the course through the difficult times.

God continues to break me, teaching me what real faith is. My first sale ended up being less than half of what was projected, which means my commission is significantly reduced. My last paycheck from Shanty Creek was not as much as I thought it would be, and is in fact already gone. I have $20 to hold me over until my commission check comes through, which will be sometime mid-late next week. I have no idea how I will get through now, without another paycheck to fall back on. But I really believe that God is asking me to step out in complete faith, and trust that He will provide, so I have not started looking for a part-time job.

This is a difficult place for me to be in, because I feel as though I have so little control over what is happening right now. Then again, there isn't a lot over the last few months that I have had control over, and things are already working out better than I imagined they would.

Earlier today, I thought briefly of how secure everything seemed when I was at CMH. I was making a good living, I had a healthy, steady paycheck, health care benefits, paid time off, a retirement plan...all the things that are supposed to make us feel safe and secure. I thought of that, and for a moment, wondered why God took that away.

Then I thought of the Israelites. I cannot recall which passage it is, specifically, but they were in the desert, complaining...In a time of discomfort and uncertainty, their life of slavery in Egypt seemed preferable to holding on to God's promises of freedom and abundance. They forgot about the hardship, the death, the suffering, the brutality of their former life, only remembering that they had food and shelter and certainty, even if the certainty was only of more suffering.

And I heard a quiet whisper of, "So you wanna go back to Egypt?" And I knew, I couldn't turn back now. I am in the desert right now, for sure, but I must cling to His promises and remember that He lead me to this desert, with the purpose of leading me through this desert, to a place of abundance beyond my imagination.

And so I will wait for Him. Just as He gave the Israelites food, water, and shelter when they needed it, He will provide me with what I need to get through this dry time. He has blessed me with wonderful friends, and that is a blessing beyond measure. He has never abandoned me in my time of need, and I don't believe He intends to begin doing so now. I need to walk steadily forward, stay the course...trust and obey.