Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Relaxing my grip

Over the last couple of days, I have had this gut-wrenching feeling that God has me on the brink of unbelievable blessings. I have already been blessed richly thus far, but I feel as though I am on the verge of stepping into something that reaches beyond what I can imagine right now.

I have talked a little bit about my "plan" (though I've learned how far my plans actually go in the larger scheme of things) to move to Petoskey by next summer. I just have a feeling that the move is going to happen, and it's going to happen a lot sooner than I anticipate. I have a feeling that God is already putting things in motion to make that move a reality.

So why is it gut-wrenching?

When I realized that it would not be possible to adequately operate my business out of Traverse City, I also realized that the time would come when I would have to leave behind some of the things and the people that are dearest to my heart, and start all over again. I know...Petoskey is not worlds away from Traverse City. But, it is just human nature...people move on.

With the increasing "certainty" that I will be moving sooner rather than later...and bear in mind, I have no reason to believe this other than an unshakable gut-feeling about the situation...I realize that the time to say goodbye will happen much more quickly than I imagined. I have a growing certainty that my time in this place is short, and I need to prepare myself to move forward into something new.

It is wonderful, and I'm terrified.

When I think about moving on, and all that means, my heart aches when I think about leaving behind Herbie and his roommates. They have truly become my best friends, and they have been, in their own ways, my constants throughout so much of the last year or so. Despite all the ups and downs, the ache of love unrequited, and the bliss of true friendship discovered...they have collectively been my one true thing. It is painful to think about letting go and moving on to something with far less certainty.

I do realize that nothing is happening immediately, and all the sadness I am feeling is not necessary for this moment. Still, I do need to prepare myself for what I think is going to happen sooner rather than later, so it is best to make peace with some things right now. Enjoying it while it is mine to enjoy, for certain, but also realizing that this season of my life is coming to a close.

Tomorrow, I am going to be in touch with the pastor who is working on the church plant in Petoskey. I am also attending an Aflac meeting that is about coordinating enrollment for a huge account our district just inherited...which holds the potential for a chunk of change for me. Tomorrow could be a huge day.

I'm just reading you today, after your meetings. I will keep your shift of equilibrium in prayer. I think you are wise to begin thinking about your move and its consequences. My recommendation is to shift slowly. With so much going on, your psyche needs something that is constant, and God has given you friends that will care about you long after you have left town. Herbie is still my friend after ten years away - what a gift!
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