Monday, September 04, 2006

One of those days

Today is nearly over, but it's been a difficult day, and I needed to spend some time writing before going to bed.

I had the mean reds today. For those not in the know, "the mean reds" is a term from "Breakfast at Tiffany's", and Holly Golightly describes perfectly how I felt today:

"You know those days when you get the mean reds?...The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Don't you ever get that feeling?"

Yes, Holly, I do. All day today, as a matter of fact. There was so much I wanted to do today, but the mean reds kept me confined to my apartment most of the day. In fact, I slept much of the day away. Worrying was my primary activity of the day, along with dodging a nameless fear. I don't get this way often...I get more depressed than I do anxious. But when I do get anxious, there is nothing to be done about it but wait it out. It usually passes within a day.

I did manage to put together a new resume today. I've decided I don't like being worked to the point of exhaustion, all the while receiving a wage that is hardly liveable. So, I'm in the market for a new job. This is getting old.

I hated putting together my resume. It felt like a list of failures. A black and white synopsis of all the things I could not do. It is one thing to feel like a failure, but it is another to have to put it down on paper, and face the questions that will surely come. "Why did you leave AFLAC? Why did you leave Northpointe Motors?", and so on. Why? Because I pretty much sucked at the job, that's why.

Oh well...there is nothing to be done about it but move on, I suppose. I'm working on that. I think I'm making some progress.

Just reading this tonight. Rotten mean reds.
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