Sunday, November 05, 2006
It's been a difficult day. It was one of those days when I just didn't want to be around people. At least, in the morning, I didn't want to. Still, I went to church, sat through a pretty good sermon, then saw a few people after church. All the while, thinking I just wanted to go home and take a nap. I am tired all the time these days, thanks to a totally screwed up work schedule.
Anyway, after church, the object of my discounted affection joined the small circle of friends I was standing with. I wasn't sure what to say to him, or if I should say anything at all, so I just left.
I feel that I am utterly repellant to men. I have resumed to sending out my "Stay away" vibe, because it seems that anything other than that only leads to heartache. I am happy to say, though, that eHarmony has found seven men who are "highly compatible" with me, so something is bound to happen sooner or later. Of course, I've had a profile on eHarmony for a year or so now, and they finally had to relax their rigorous standards in order to find matches for me. I think that's funny, and a very good indication of what I've known for awhile now...Men just don't like me.
So, anyway, I spent some time after church deciding if I wanted to eat lunch or dinner. I didn't have money for both, and I was too tired to cook the macaroni and cheese I got at Dollar General. I've been doing a lot of that lately...deciding which meal I would like to have more, because I often do not have money for both. I haven't been able to buy groceries in weeks, and I tend to eat actual meals only when I am working, as I know I will have a miserable day if I try to go the whole day without food. Otherwise, I just eat apples and peanut butter, or crackers, or things of that nature.
I got home, ate my sandwich from Speedway, and crawled into bed for a nap. Three hours later, I woke up and started on my Psych homework. I've also taken in about six episodes of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". I'm bored, I'm lonely, I wish I had someone to hang out with, but everything has changed now.
I sometimes wonder if moving was a mistake. This is nothing like I thought it would be. I thought that moving closer to my friends would mean having more time with my friends, but it has been anything but that. I rarely see anyone, and when I do, I'm tired and totally out of it. The friendship I had with someone that I considered my best friend, for all intents and purposes, has completely changed, and I feel completely out of sorts.
I can barely afford rent, let alone everything else, and I am wondering when something is finally going to give, and maybe for once in my life things can go right. It would be wonderful...absolutely freaking wonderful...if at least one thing in my life could be GREAT. Not just okay, not jus something I'm surviving through, but truly and wonderfully great. Is that too much to ask?
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