Garden Variety Neurosis

I cannot sleep. I have been trying to sleep for a few hours now, and sleep just will not come to me. So, I thought I would get up and take some time to write about the wonderful man God has given to me.

I love this picture. It is just a random shot, capturing a beautiful moment. Harold and I were taking a walk by the bay in Petoskey, and it was a particularly cold and windy day. As a cold gust of wind swept over us, I snuggled up to Harold for warmth and shelter. He pulled me close, shielding me from the wind, and snapped a picture of the moment. I love this picture, because it shows his heart toward me. He is very nurturing and protective of me, and does so in a way that does not patronize or diminish me as a person. He cares for me in such a way that he lifts me to a place of honor. This is something I have never had in a relationship before.

When I think of Harold and all that our relationship has brought to my life, I cannot help comparing it to relationships I have had in the past. I look at those relationships, and I remember feeling anything but honored and cherished. I remember feeling used. I remember feeling like an object. I remember feeling dispensable. I remember feeling that I was exposed to pain rather than protected from it. I remember feeling cheapened. I do not remember feeling loved for who I was, but rather loved for who it was the man I was with thought I could become if only I would try hard enough. And if I became that person, perhaps then I would be deemed worthy of his love, and he would then keep his promises to me.

With Harold, I am loved just as I am. He asks me to be nothing but what I am, and the growth I have experienced as a person since being with him has been born out of the natural progression of things. Iron sharpening iron. We both challenge each other in all the right ways. We love each other just as we are, yet we cannot help but grow together as our relationship grows. Harold not only loves me as I am, but celebrates me, as I also celebrate him. All of this is difficult to put into words at 3 a.m., but believe me when I tell you that there is a night and day difference between what I have with Harold, and anything I have ever had before.

Harold and I first "met" last November, and our seperate paths took us in different directions. Eventually, our paths converged once more, and we knew that we were not going to veer off course again. I let the gift of Harold slip through my fingers once, and I am so incredibly thankful that God saw to it that we had another chance. We have been given an amazing gift, and we realize this ever more so with each moment we have together. Whether those moments are filled with deep discussions of spiritual matters, or discussion of the merits of pork rinds while watching a muted WWE Raw, our moments together are nothing less than wonderful. Mutual adoration and celebration of all that God has made us to be, and all we have together.

I have been through some pretty bad relationships. I am thankful for them, though, because they have taught me to appreciate what I have with Harold. I am thankful for the broken roads that lead me to him. I see God's grace in this, and I am exceedingly thankful.

Okay, now I'm just getting gushy....