Garden Variety Neurosis

It was a relief to finally get the pathology report today. I have been waiting for it for a few weeks, and the longer I waited, the more I was bracing myself for bad news. I have learned not to assume that no news is good news. Needless to say, I am glad the wait is over, and that the news was overall very good.

It is funny, I think, that of all the types of cancer to have, I have to have one that is so ridiculously rare that there is very little information available about it. Such is my life, though. I have learned to laugh about these things. I have concluded that my life will always be just a little left of center in one way or another.

I did find one article about renal carcinoid. Or, I should say, one article that said something beyond "Renal carcinoid is extremely rare...". If anyone is interested in reading it... Renal Carcinoid

After my post-op checkup today, I went to my former workplace to catch up with everyone there. I have really missed my coworkers, and it was great to go in and see everyone. It was bittersweet, because I did have to fill out paperwork stating that I would not be returning to my job. It brought some finality to the decision to cut my losses and move forward, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. Nevertheless, it was fun to see everyone, to find some humor in all of this, and just to have a few lighthearted moments with the amazing people I have been working with the last three months. I will miss them.

I could not stay long, because I still get worn out very quickly these days. My doctor said he is not surprised that this recovery has been so rough for me. I was not in the greatest of health as I went into surgery. Severe anemia required me to have to iron infusions, as well as a blood transfusion (two units) before I would even be well enough to have the surgery. Additionally, I had not been able to eat for several days before the surgery due to my twisted bowel, so my strength was very low. Combine those factors with the simple fact that I did have major surgery done, and it makes for a rough recovery period. I am getting a little better, day by day, but there are definitely some days that are better than others.

All in all, while I am looking at some losses and very big changes in my life because of all of this, there is no denying that things could be much, much worse. At the end of it all, I still have my family, my wonderful friends, and a God who loves me unconditionally...and I am learning that the rest of the stuff really doesn't matter a whole lot, and will take care of itself somehow. I am learning the difficult art of letting go of the things I can't control, and embracing with great joy the beauty of the simple truths this life has to offer.