Saturday, July 07, 2007
Anyway, we talked for as long as her signal would hold out in the boondocks of Virginia, and I am now more convinced than ever of the beautiful heart she possesses. If all goes according to our master plan, we will see each other before summer's end.
After I finished talking with Muffy (and ever so briefly talking to her other half), I went out to the garage to sift through some of my belongings that are still packed away since my hastily executed move a few weeks ago. While sifting through them, I found some pictures and gifts from my most recent dysfunctional relationship. I considered burning these items, but opted for the sledgehammer treatment instead. It was very liberating to put all the trinkets of everything I want to forget into a pile, and smash the heck out of them. With every blow of the hammer, the soul ties were fractured a bit more, until they were all but completely obliterated. I have more healing to do, but what took place in my driveway today was symbolic of ending the stranglehold the phantoms of that relationship have had on me.
I am trying to find homes for a few of the items he gave to me that were too costly to smash. I cannot bring myself to take a sledgehammer to a coffee bean grinder, as coffee is sacred. However, I also cannot bring myself to put it to any further use for myself, as it symbolizes a lot of pain for me. I had never before been with a man who worked so hard to make me "acceptable", down to trying to modify the very way I prepared my coffee. I am glad he is not a part of my life anymore, and ridding myself of all the clutter that represents him is a very liberating feeling indeed. I do not need people like that in my life. Love me as I am, or don't love me at all. But do not ask me to change for you.
Here is a novel idea...Rather than trying to modify the person you are dating to make them more to your liking, why not just face that they do not measure up to your standards, and break up with them? That's what I did! And it works like a charm!
Of course, after going through boxes and using the sledgehammer, I am tired and feeling some pain. Okay, significant pain. Well worth it, though, all things considered. Thank God Almighty for Vicadin!! Now it's time to relax, enjoy the evening with the family, and thank God for the tremendous blessings of toxic eras that have come to an end.
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