Garden Variety Neurosis

When I imagined Jaden's first Christmas, I entertained images of my sweet-natured, giggly, happy little boy basking in the warm glow of Christmas, drinking in the love of his family as we all "oooo" and "ahhhhh" over gifts, reminisce about Christmases past, and feel all warm and safe and happy.

Christmas Eve should have told me that my plans were not to come to fruition. We spent the night at Tamara and Heidi's house, and I had hopes of watching some Christmas movies, cuddling with my baby, and sleeping snugly as we all anticipated Christmas morning. However, before we even got to Tamara and Heidi's house, Jaden's Fussy Pants were on and I knew my plans were quickly unravelling.

Jaden had not napped all day, and was very cranky. When we got to my sister's house, I gave him a bottle of milk and put him in the crib for a nap. He proceeded to throw a screaming fit, which he would repeat later when it was time for bed. As the evening wore on into the night, it was becoming evident that my Christmas dreams were about to be undone.

On Christmas Eve, after sleeping in the crib for a couple of hours, Jaden woke up screaming. I gave him a bottle, and as we headed back to the bedroom, I concluded that putting him back into the crib was not worth the fight. He slept with me in the bed for the rest of the night, either with his head on my chest, or laying next to me cheek to cheek. If I altered the positons, he would wake up and cry. It was a long night.

Morning finally came, and the Christmas happenings temporarily distracted him from his woes. During some snuggle time, I saw the source of those woes: Two teeth popping through his tender little gums. Jaden's mood did not improve, and we left shortly after eating a quick breakfast with the family...during which, Jaden tore some of Tamara's weather-seal plastic off the window. When we got home, his crabbiness continued into the night. Christmas Day turned out to be a long, crabby day, and by the end of the day I was practically dancing for joy when Jaden's bedtime came.

After Jaden went to bed and I had time to think about the day and put my thoughts down on paper, I realized what a great day it really was. We are very blessed, and while the day was far from picture perfect, it was not entirely without its charm. Jaden enjoyed his new toys. He especially enjoyed the Walk 'n' Ride I got for him, which allowed him to walk around without needing my assistance. In between meltdowns, Jaden was sweet as could be. All things considered, our Christmas was memorable for its perfect imperfection.

Today, Jaden gave me a gift that more than made up for yesterday. My sweet little boy took three steps, all by himself, toward me. He did not hold on to the furniture. He did not hold on to his Walk 'n' Ride. He simply walked forward, to me. It was amazing. It absolutely made my day.

Today...well, in five hours and 22 minutes, actually...he will be one year old. It has been an incredible year, and motherhood has been the single most exhilerating experience of my life. He is a joy. A delight. A source of endless wonder for me. I would not trade it for anything, teething fussiness and all.